Can't put your arms around a Memory
by BlackShuck
Summary: Harry is presented with an unexpected chance to spend time with someone he loved... but now he also has a difficult choice to make. Time travel. SLASH HPSB.
1. Chapter 1

Just a few notes before I start… I know there is a bit of a clampdown on Author Notes on this site, but this is kind of semi-necessary stuff, and then there won't be any more.

A/N1: Back in 2004 this story was originally a porn-one-shot (but also canon compliant!) Yet, I always felt that I could have made much more of the tale and, although I quite liked my original ending, enough people have wanted a more elaborate yarn and a truly happy ending that I have _finally_ seriously started re-writing, editing and extending the story. With the events of HBP this fic is obviously not remotely canon now, but I don't really care.

A/N2: I had a review a short while back for my fic _'Candlelight and Roses'_, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. Basically, the reviewer demanded to know why there wasn't some _really _hot Sirius/Harry action in that story… well, uh, because I'd be deleted if I published such a thing here. So if anyone would like to read the original pornish version of _this_ fic – the original (not quite as good) story is already in my GJ, but I will also (most likely) be re-working that to be less lame too. (I have of course cut the overtly sexual scenes of the original to be able to qualify for an M rating on this site.)

A/N3: The main pairing in this story is very much Sirius/Harry. _(Duh, diehard SB/HP shipper here.)_ But there is also some Harry/Severus stuff that gets skated over, so if that pairing **really** horrifies you... shoo! (Or don't complain to me.)

A/N4: And I'm done. Here comes the first chapter, I hope it is worth the read… **Bleakone** my love. This is yours.

xxx

The harsh brightness of the winter sun shone through the small half-open window, and the cool crispness of the morning breeze sent a shiver through his naked body as he contemplated the start of a new day. He stretched out to silence the small auror-issue amulet that was clanging an urgent summons that only he could hear. (Sometimes he still cursed Hermione for inventing such a clever, irritating, noisy device.) He lifted his long lean legs over the blankets, briefly arched his back in a cat-like stretch and made a soft growling sound, trying in vain to shake off the sleepy feeling that refused to let go.

Still in a dreamlike state Harry softly made his way to the bathroom where he turned on the cold tap. Twisting it on to full he let the water splash out of the sink over the wall and floor, enjoying the sensation as icy beads of water spattered his stomach. He swiftly doused his head, and emerged from under the water blinking blindly but with new wakefulness. Turning off the tap he stood silently before the full-length mirror and watched as small droplets of water joined together and formed little streams that trickled down his throat, then slowly flowed down over his stomach.

Closing his eyes he let out a sigh as he felt elegant fingers snake around his body, tracing a line down the middle of his chest before fanning out and fluttering to harshly pinch each nipple between middle finger and thumb till they stood hard and erect.

A hand drifted over the hard lines of his body, taking in the small ripples of muscled belly, the sharp jut of his hipbones and then reached further down until he felt the press of his lover's pale hand.

He exhaled sharply. "I can't," he said softly, "I really need to get to work."

The hand stopped at once, Severus' withdrawal almost instant and uncomplaining. Irrationally he wished for arguments, for laughing attempts at further seduction, for something that would give him the feeling of really being wanted. But nothing was forthcoming.

xxx

"What's happening?" He addressed Ron as he entered his office. "Everyone around here seems to be almost crazier than they were during the war. I decided not to risk delaying anyone for answers as it might have proved dangerous to my health."

Ron pulled a face, "Some left-over remnants of the death eaters are planning something really bad."

Harry flung himself into a chair. "Agghhh." He exclaimed dramatically. "Just when you think you're safe they think up some new dangerous and annoying thing for us to deal with." If he didn't sound sincere, it was because he wasn't. He'd lived on a near constant adrenaline high for far too long during the war to know how to begin to live the life of a normal citizen; he just couldn't seem to stop chasing the evil wizards now.

It defined him, and if he was honest, it was pretty much all he knew. He certainly didn't want to slow down, because that was when he had to think; had to remember. "Are we ever going to catch a break?" He asked Ron loudly, as he tried to silence the insidious demons crying in his head.

Ron shrugged, "Dunno mate. Doesn't look like it."

"So, define really bad for me." Harry prompted as Ron began shuffling the heap of parchments bunched haphazardly on his desk, apparently looking for an abandoned slice of his breakfast toast.

"Oh, Dumbledore will be briefing us all in a minute. But it's a time travel thing. Something about them planning on making big changes, which really can't be good."

"Dumbledore and time travel eh?" Harry raised an eyebrow as Ron unearthed a mug of tea from under his desk debris and took a slurp, "The crazy old coot is out of retirement for this? It must be bad."

"Yes. It is a grave situation indeed." Dumbledore agreed smoothly from the doorway, as Ron snorted rather gleefully into his rediscovered tea.

xxx

It took Dumbledore only a few minutes to lay bare the alarming intelligence that had reached his spies.

Although, as Harry was well aware, it was a simple enough matter for a wizard to make a short journey of a few hours back in time - if not exactly safe.

But it was considered downright suicidal, (not to mention the next best thing to impossible) for a wizard to travel further back than a matter of days.

Travelling back for years was entirely out of the question. Though apparently that was precisely what one or two former death eaters were planning to do.

Their target date or further intentions wasn't at all clear from the information Dumbledore had received, but it seemed likely that whatever their actions, some alteration of history concerning Harry or Voldemort seemed most likely.

"Great." Harry muttered sarcastically. "If I go blue and start fading out in a minute, you'll know a death eater is just throttling me as a toddler."

Ron looked stricken and wrapped protective fingers around his own pale and freckled neck. "Don't even joke Harry. That's exactly the sort of thing they might do."

Dumbledore overheard. "Unfortunately Harry, Mr Weasley is quite correct. It does seem most likely that they will choose to eliminate you swiftly and quietly before you have any chance at becoming a threat to their master at some later date."

"So, I'm back to all the boy-who-lived crap again." Harry sighed irritably. "I could do without this."

Dumbledore was addressing the gathering again. "Ladies and Gentlemen. I suggest we put a stop to this with all speed. By any means necessary."

xxx

It was a garishly sunny afternoon, even in Knockturn alley. Harry prowled along unmolested by the unsavoury throng, his heavy black cloak streaming out behind him in a manner even his lover would have been proud of. He'd learnt intimidation from the best he mused as his eyes unobtrusively searched the crowds for a warlock whom he hoped would have further information about the time altering plans – for a price of course.

Then he saw a familiar face. One he knew as well as his own. At first he thought the brightness of the late afternoon sun had dazzled his eyes, but as he blinked and squinted from under the hood of his cloak, he saw that it most certainly was Bellatrix Lestrange disappearing into a ramshackle building nearby.

Harry didn't wait for reinforcements or further information. He simply barrelled after her with murder in his heart.

He swiftly shadowed her down a narrow passageway and through a heavy oak door.

His instincts for self-preservation kicked in a little too late.

It dawned on him that Bellatrix had led him into a trap only when a grinning Draco Malfoy neatly plucked his wand from his fingers.

"I didn't actually believe anyone could be that stupid." Draco sneered at him, "Yet here you are. Still pining so wretchedly for your pathetic lost mutt that you followed dear Bellatrix in here like a little lamb."

Harry held his tongue. He wouldn't give the death eater scum the satisfaction of knowing how true his words were.

Bellatrix smiled spitefully at Harry's telling silence and with a brief coo of; "Poor silly baby," she quickly cast a spell binding Harry to an uncomfortable old chair.

Harry grimaced as the ropes bit painfully into his flesh and he watched with loathing as Draco handed Bellatrix his wand. With a vacant smile on her face she used his wand to cast a brief and vicious cruciatus, which made his muscles spasm in agony. Then less than a minute later he was released. She swished his wand playfully at him before tucking it away up her sleeve with a maddened giggle.

The two death eaters left the room, their voices fading to a low murmur.

Harry sat panting as his muscles twitched uncomfortably, and he tried to make sense of this odd behaviour. They were death eaters and they had him at their mercy, surely a little more torture and taunting was in order now? That brief agony Bellatrix had inflicted was so much less than he had expected. Then an unpleasant thought came to him. What if they were so ready with their big time travel project that they didn't presently have the time to play with him?

Then he realised he could hear a faint rumble of conversation through the wall behind him, and he tilted his chair back slightly in hopes of hearing properly.

He caught a few snatched words here and there, but none of it that could really be made sense of. He was certain he caught the name James though. Which to him indicated that they were planning to murder his father before Harry himself could even be conceived. With the connection between Bellatrix and Sirius to factor in too, it seemed likely that killing his father at a relatively early stage was a logical solution for the death eaters currently holding the threads of time in their murderous hands.

Frustrated with the situation and with himself he leaned back further, pressing his ear to the damp and mildewed wallpaper, trying to discover an exact date or time, or something solid to work with – assuming he ever managed to escape.

Then he felt the chair give a distinct wobble and a groan under his weight and he almost cheered. Deliberately he began wriggling the chair on two legs, and was rewarded by ever more ominous creaks. It didn't take very long for the aging and abused chair to give way completely and Harry soon found himself slumped on the floor, tangled in a heap of splintered wood and slackened rope. He squirmed and fought furiously to free himself and succeeded just as the door flew open.

The wand levelled at him by Draco Malfoy went flying as Harry rolled to his feet and kicked out, his boot smartly connecting with Malfoy's wrist. The pureblood wizard was unused to physical fights, especially with someone as enraged as Harry now was, and went down quietly with a single blow to the jaw.

Harry then dropped to the floor himself and dived frantically at Malfoy's wand. A rush of green light narrowly missed his left ear, but his fingers found the smooth wood of the wand and he rolled over, and from his reclining position on the floor sent a swift and apparently wholly unexpected stunning spell at the two hulking figures in the doorway.

Harry couldn't help but smirk as he stepped squarely on their unconscious bodies and sidled into the hallway. Apparently the standard of death eaters had dropped quite dramatically since the bad old days.

It didn't take Harry long to find Bellatrix, but it was clear that he had taken almost too long. She was surrounded by a faintly glowing light which was growing steadily brighter, it was clear that some kind of spell was proceeding, so Harry didn't bother with consequences and simply threw himself at her, his hands hooking painfully into her arms as he felt a sickening lurch in his stomach and then the world began to spin and Bellatrix began to scream.

xxx

Harry blinked dazedly in the dimming light of early evening. He must have been unconscious for quite a while he decided, and with a groan he levered himself up onto one elbow and fumbled his glasses back into their proper position. He was in the same room as before he thought. The repulsive yellow wallpaper that had dominated the room he had briefly been imprisoned in covered the walls here too. But something was different, it smelled cleaner somehow, the floors were much less dirty.

Then with a lurch of his stomach he wondered if throwing himself at Bellatrix hadn't worked to break the obviously complex spell she had been weaving. What if they had both ended up at some point in the past with no way home?

A faint moan from behind him broke into his anxious thoughts, and oblivious to the screech of discomfort from his bruised muscles and the sick roiling of his stomach he was on his hands and knees in a heartbeat, roughly pinning Bellatrix to the floor. It was the work of a moment to divest her of both their wands and he had her tied up in a chair before she was even fully conscious.

Not gloating at the reversal of fortunes was an impossibility, and he allowed himself to do just that for a few moments, enjoying the impotent rage flickering in her eyes.

Then he reached into a small hidden pouch in his robes, seeking the miniscule, precious vial he always carried, courtesy of Severus. He watched with pleasure as Bellatrix's eyes widened in recognition of the precious substance.

"Veritaserum." He announced lazily and wholly unnecessarily. "Now you and I are going to have a nice little chat."

Bellatrix weakened quickly once he forced the few drops of potion down her throat, the details of her plan spilling out of her in a rush.

She herself had been in Diagon Alley on this day in the past, and she knew James and Sirius were also in Diagon Alley, and that they would be staying in a room at the Leaky Cauldron for a few days during their Christmas holidays. They would be shopping and drinking and making merry, Sirius would spend time with a lover and Lily Evans would also be putting in an appearance to see James, they would all be busy having fun and not expecting any kind of attack in these very early days of conflict.

Harry learned that Bellatrix had allowed herself precisely twelve hours to destroy the young James Potter, and possibly Lily Evans and Sirius Black too, if the opportunity presented itself. She confessed she had a fancy for seeing if her dear cousin Sirius was weak enough to place under Imperius before ordering him to kill his best friend.

Harry glared at her, sickened by her capacity for cruelty and the terrible world she had planned to create.

He learned that in a little under twelve hours the spell would end, and if they were both within the narrow limits of the spell, they would then be jerked back to the time they had left, as if nothing had ever happened - assuming that nothing had happened.

All Harry had to do was keep Bellatrix from escaping and wreaking havoc, and then she could simply be turned over to the ministry when the spell ended and they both returned to the unchanged future.

Harry tried not to think about the parts of the future he himself might be tempted to reshape. Visions of a gently fluttering veil crowded into his mind and he shook his head frantically, trying to clear the loathsome image from his head.

He checked to see that Bellatrix was indeed securely tied to a very sturdy chair before settling in unhappily for a long wait.


	2. Chapter 2

He brooded, and had little idea of how much time had passed until Bellatrix broke into his dark thoughts with her annoying singsong voice. "You thought it was only me."

"What?" Harry snapped.

"You don't know that somebody else came along too."

"What are you talking about you mad bitch?" Harry said icily as he fingered his wand.

"Somebody else came too, and he is off now maybe dealing with your foolish father, whilst you sit here watching me. How funny it is. "

"Hilarious." Harry agreed savagely. "So this mythical death eater chap, he just left me unconscious on the floor next to you instead of, oh I don't know… killing me?"

Bellatrix giggled, "You just don't know do you? It would be so much fun if he revealed himself and what he'd done just before we went home, though of course, you wouldn't go home, because you wouldn't exist anymore."

Harry abruptly wheeled around and strode out of the door, wincing at the riotous laughter that followed him.

He stood in the hall thinking deeply, he had no more Veritaserum, and it was very probable that Bellatrix had metabolised enough of the dose he had given her that it was no longer effective in forcing her to speak truthfully.

Of course it was completely possible that Bellatrix was goading him to tag along after his teenage parents and the youthful Sirius, in desperate hopes that he would somehow manage to do something awful and jeopardise the future of his own accord, but it wasn't a risk he could take in case there had been some truth in her vicious taunts.

As long as he didn't change anything everything would be fine.

He just wanted to see for himself that Sirius and his parents were okay.

With his conscience quelled and his mind made up Harry set about rendering the room holding Bellatrix as impenetrable as he possibly could.

Twenty minutes later he had performed a brief cleaning spell on his slightly grubby robes, shoved his glasses into his pocket in favour of the contacts he carried, encouraged the light stubble on his jaw to grow into a delicate beard, spelled a shrunken package of pocket luggage to expand, and was checking into a room at the Leaky Cauldron.

xxx

It was getting quite late by the time Harry had found himself an unobtrusive dining table and ordered a meal. He thought he caught a brief glimpse of two youthful black-haired heads close together at the busy bar as he took his seat, but he kept his eyes on the door, ensuring that no known death eaters wandered in and created carnage on his watch.

Presently he realised that he looked rather silly staring at the door and devoted himself to his dinner.

There was an explosion of noise from near the bar, and Harry half-stood up, hand already seeking his wand, but before he made himself look foolish he realised that at least half the volume of the noise was comprised of laughter and applause.

Hardly the sort of reaction a death eater attack would ever receive in the Leaky Cauldron.

Then, as he settled back down he realised that two young men were weaving slowly in his direction.

Harry stared covertly at the pair of teenagers who had just placed a jug of punch and two glasses on the table next to his. Knowing they would be around somewhere was one thing. Seeing them slump into seats at the table next to his was quite another.

They had clearly already been helping themselves to a few generous glassfuls of some of the potent Christmas punch, and were rosy-cheeked and laughing as they sat down, apparently to wait for Lily, who, Harry decided, according to Bellatrix should probably be along within the hour.

Harry briefly wondered what his future mother would say about the drunken state of her boyfriend when she arrived, but the topic of conversation between James and Sirius was of far more interest to him.

"I still can't believe you just snogged Snape!" James was exclaiming, just loudly enough for Harry to hear, with an expression of pure horror in his eyes.

Sirius just shrugged in response and slumped more comfortably into his chair, "Season of goodwill to all men Prongs. Plus there was mistletoe, I just couldn't resist planting one on him."

Harry smothered a smile; hearing Sirius admit to snogging Severus, even if he was in his cups, it wasn't something he would ever have expected. He now had wonderful blackmail material for his lover when he got home.

"But Snape." James argued weakly. "I know Lily doesn't let me say anything too bad against him anymore, but still, Padfoot. Snape?"

Sirius spread his hands and adopted an innocent expression, "Okay, okay. But did you see the look on his face? He thought I was dear old Reggie until I took the Glamour off. It was more than worth it for that alone. That and the fact that I have now demonstrated irrefutably with a single kiss that Gryffindors are far better lovers than slimy Slytherins."

"Conceited prat." James said affectionately as he slopped out another drink for each of them.

xxx

A few minutes later Harry was drifting into his own world, letting the playful banter of Sirius and James wash over him. They were making his job very easy for him by sitting so nearby, so he let himself relax until he heard a faint whistle that sounded as if it came from Sirius.

He stilled briefly before continuing with his meal.

"Hellloooo sexy." He heard Sirius slur quietly.

He could almost feel a pair of eyes prickling over his skin, but surely Sirius didn't mean him?

"Sshhh. He might hear." James muttered. "He looks dangerous, kind of like an auror or something and he might not want to be deemed sexy by you."

"So? I'm going to go and talk to him, Lily will be here any minute and she'll want you all to herself." Sirius announced, and Harry was hard pressed not to look up as he heard the unmistakeable sounds of Sirius being forcibly restrained.

"You drunken idiot." He heard his young father hiss. "Don't show yourself up, he's probably a bit old to be interested in a schoolboy, least of all a sloshed one."

"I'm almost eighteen." He heard Sirius argue belligerently. "That's not too young."

"But eighteen drinks is too many." James persisted good-naturedly.

"Haven't had eighteen." Sirius grumbled sounding so adorably put out that Harry couldn't resist chancing a glance sideways out of the corner of his eye.

Sirius was draped bonelessly in a chair, one elegant leg dangling over the plushly padded arm, his head cocked thoughtfully as he stared at his half-empty glass as if it was about to tell him how may times he had emptied and re-filled it.

Harry felt a wistful smile tug at his lips as he finished eating and pushed his plate away. Those were the days he had never really had. A chance to just sit drinking with Ron, both of them getting silly and enjoying themselves with abandon. At seventeen they had been warriors. Alcohol had been for drowning their sorrows and for finding oblivion.

As he stood up intending to visit the bar he chanced a more direct glance at the occupants of the next table. Sirius was pouting sullenly, his wrist manacled in the determined grip of one James Potter. When he saw Harry's eyes on him however, his face lit up and he flashed Harry a charming smile that Harry found it impossible not to return as he brushed past and headed for the stairs instead.

He found it necessary to remind himself at every step that Sirius was drunk, that Sirius was only seventeen, and most importantly, that he should not be messing with any part of the past, least of all with the whimsical lusts of his godfather, who in any case should be pulling a disappearing act with a newly acquired tall dark lover sometime quite soon.

xxx

Harry paced his room. He needed to go downstairs really, he needed to keep an eye on things, but he didn't entirely trust himself around Sirius, despite the fact that Sirius was probably just drunkenly flirting with any man who seemed to be his type. That hurt to think about though.

He'd loved the older Sirius with all his teenaged heart, and it was an ache that had never entirely faded, a wound that would never truly heal. When Sirius had died he had only been capable of feeling hurt and angry for a long time before the deeper pain and grief eventually began to truly set in. It had taken getting involved with Severus to make him snap out of his deep gloom and start focusing himself again.

He'd known it wasn't what could be deemed particularly healthy for a seventeen-year-old boy to be involved with a man twice his age, let alone one who was his professor, but somehow it had worked out well enough, and they had been together on and off for several years. More off than on though he admitted wryly to himself.

But now - seeing a young, vital, still devastatingly handsome Sirius who seemed more than a little interested in chatting him up was difficult to say the least. It was the sort of occasion that could make him lose his head, as so many things connected to Sirius seemed capable of doing.

But there could be a lot more than his stupid and embarrassing inability to control himself at stake here.

He steeled himself and walked back down the staircase

He stalked back to his table, looking predatorily around him, his cloak swishing as forbiddingly as he could manage and saw a rather subdued looking Sirius sitting alone at his own table, with the remains of what looked like a sobering potion in front of him.

He looked up at Harry's approach, but seemed disappointed at what he saw and looked back down at his hands again before swiftly looking up again with a suspiciously calculating look on his face.

As Harry seated himself again he abruptly felt much less like the hunter and much more like the hunted as Sirius got gracefully to his feet and sauntered towards him, clearly no longer merrily drunk.

Harry arranged his features into polite inquiry as Sirius stopped at his table, and then their eyes locked and latent sexuality was pouring across the table with an almost electrical charge. "May I?" Sirius asked politely, his hand on the back of the chair opposite Harry.

Still rocked by the look of desire Sirius had just directed at him it took Harry a moment too long to find his voice to acquiesce verbally, so he settled for a slow nod, that he hoped looked measuring instead of plain stupid.

Sirius didn't seem to find anything amiss, and slid into the chair with a warm, genuine smile. "I was sitting across from you earlier while you were having dinner," he began a trifle nervously, "I was with a friend then, but he pushed off over the other side of the pub with his girlfriend and I'm free to come and say hello now, so I thought I'd see if you were interested in getting to know me."

Harry had caught the faintly nervous tremor in Sirius's voice, and knew that for all his brash bravado and self-assurance he was still worried about being refused or dismissed.

In that moment, he came to a stunning realisation. That although Sirius was supposed to be with a lover on this night, there was nothing to say that the tall dark man he was seen with and described so vaguely by Bellatrix couldn't be Harry himself.

With his mind made up and thoughts of the future and his own lover pushed to the far recesses of his mind he smiled for Sirius.

"I'd like that very much, but on one condition."

Sirius nodded, looking a little wary.

"Nothing bad," Harry assured him, "It's just that it might be dangerous for me if I tell you who I am, and I prefer not to lie, so my request is for no last names."

For a moment Sirius looked as if he was floundering and Harry's heart constricted and he was tempted to walk away. Because he had never imagined that his godfather would be anything less than perfectly cocksure in such a situation.

But then he smiled. "Okay, I'm just Sirius then. And you?"

Harry smiled and extended a hand in greeting, "Harry."


	3. Chapter 3

Harry poured them a second drink, and then gave himself up wholeheartedly to laughter. Sirius was being entertaining tonight in a way Harry hadn't really realised he could be. He'd always realised that Sirius could be deemed something of a comedian, but he hadn't ever known how intrinsic his humour had been before his time in Azkaban had crushed so much life out of him.

At long last he felt as if he was getting to know the real man, and that he had learnt more in less than an hour and over three drinks than he had in the entire time Sirius had served as his godfather.

The thought sobered him a little, he wondered for a moment if he wasn't setting them both up for more hurt in the morning. But he couldn't back down now.

As Sirius paused in his barrage of flirtation to take a gulp of his drink Harry let his eyes roam past him briefly and started a little as he saw his parents drifting towards them hand in hand.

"Uh, I think your friend from earlier is heading this way." He told Sirius quickly, amazed that he'd been able to force the words out so casually.

Sirius promptly spun around in his seat and made frantic and unsubtle shooing motions at a grinning James and Lily.

Harry hid a twisted smile of wistful amusement behind his glass as the two teens ignored Sirius's very obvious signals and came and stood beside their table. "What do you two want?" Sirius whined.

Harry found himself subjected to a thorough inspection by both Lily and James and managed to relax enough to give them both a lazy smile, though his heart was beating in a wildly out of control fashion.

His parents. Living. Breathing the same air as him and Sirius. He was suddenly conscious of the feeling of walking with ghosts that were somehow more real than him.

He had to forcibly shake off his mental meanderings to pay enough attention to realise that apparently he had passed muster, because James smiled and briefly introduced himself and Lily before announcing with a wink at Sirius that he was taking Lily home with him, and Sirius could have their room to himself until tomorrow evening when he would be coming back.

Harry's heart leapt. James and Lily were leaving, so they would be out of danger even if Bellatrix's probably fictional death eater friend put in an appearance.

It was strange. He'd been certain that if he'd ever had the unlikely chance to see his parents again he would cling helplessly to them. Now he was almost glad they were going - and not just for their safety.

He watched his parents walk away with a longing that was surprisingly faint. Now he was free to concentrate on Sirius.

"So, do you maybe want to go up to the room me and James had?" Sirius asked uncertainly after Lily and James had exited the pub. "It's single beds but I can transfigure one or something."

Harry grinned at him, "Having a drink and a chat with me doesn't obligate anything more, I didn't exactly go looking for company tonight you know. Also, just because your friend cleared out of here with a literal wink and nudge doesn't mean you have to invite me up there unless you really want to."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Harry held up a hand to stop him.

"I should also let you know that I'm leaving tomorrow morning early, and I **won't** be coming back, so if you do decide to invite me upstairs, then do know that this is genuinely a one-time only thing."

Sirius pushed back his chair with a determined look on his face and extended a hand, "Join me in my room?"

Harry got to his feet with a grin and linked his fingers through Sirius's, "Nope, but I'll invite you into mine, which already has a double bed."

xxx

Harry barely had the door open before Sirius kissed him for the first time.

They stood there in the open doorway tangling fingers in each other's hair, kissing until their lips felt almost too bruised to kiss any longer.

Then the sound of voices echoed further down the corridor and Harry somehow found the presence of mind to break the kiss and push Sirius further into the room, so he could close the door behind them.

Sirius moved awkwardly, apparently as dazed by the kiss as Harry himself. "What? Why'd we stop?" he asked confusedly.

Harry closed the door with a smirk and moved towards the bed, throwing off his cloak as he went, he stopped by the bed, his hands teasingly planted on his belt buckle, "Well, where I'm from, this isn't a spectator sport."

Sirius grinned and followed, his hands gliding over the top of Harry's own, the caress of his hands mimicked by the caress of his eyes over Harry's still-clothed form. "I can't believe one kiss got me hot enough to almost not care about other guests walking past. That was a once-in-a-lifetime sort of moment for sure."

"Only once?"

"Try me."

Their second kiss was as hot as the first; mouths firm but tender this time, tongues sharing intimacies and promises for the night to come.

Their lips eventually parted and Harry moaned Sirius's name, and began pulling at his clothing as he rubbed up against him desperately. He yanked the shirt free of his jeans, pushing it up slightly and running his fingers over Sirius's bared stomach and then round his waist, following the line of the denim on his flesh. His body was firm and warm, strong young muscles gliding smoothly under his feverishly seeking hands.

He managed to unbutton the shirt and pull it off completely, tossing it to the floor, and leaned in close for another kiss as he revelled in feeling gloriously bared skin under his fingertips.

Sirius had been busy with Harry's own black shirt, and presently managed to drag it off his shoulders and push it down his arms. It dropped to the floor unnoticed as skin met skin and they curled around their arms around each other, close and intimate as they kissed, their smoothly muscled chests rubbing against each other.

Then they were kicking off their shoes, dragging off their socks, and Sirius was gently pressing Harry down on to the expanse of bed beside them and moving to kneel over him, still gasping for breath from the passionate kisses they had shared.

Harry smiled up at him, and slid his fingers through Sirius's belt loops and slowly pulled him closer. Sirius hissed between his teeth at the almost painfully pleasurable friction they were creating, it sent long, white arrows of pleasure directly into his brain and he gasped as Harry lifted his hips slightly and rubbed gently against him again.

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and ducked his head for another kiss before rocking gently against Harry who moaned appreciatively against Sirius's mouth.

Then Harry had his hands spread over Sirius's shoulders, and was trailing his fingers up and down, lighting up every nerve in his body. He could feel the muscles in Sirius's back tense and release slightly as he thrust shallowly against him and then he was rolling them over and was up on his knees, fingers working swiftly but clumsily at the fastening of Sirius's jeans.

Eager fingers helped him, and then promptly went to work on his own trousers.

Between them they managed to peel off what was left of their clothing and at last lay naked with legs and arms tangled in passion as they kissed and caressed every inch of skin they could put hand or mouth to.

Teeth softly nipped at earlobes, and fingertips gently teased, palms smoothed over curves of muscle, lips brushed shoulders, and tongues lapped at sensitive nipples.

Learning, tasting, remembering.

Sirius allowed Harry to crawl partially on top of him, and sighed with pleasure as Harry kissed him deeply before his hands crept lower. Sirius let his legs drop apart, wordlessly giving Harry the access he sought, and he sighed as he heard Harry whisper a lubricating charm.

Sirius's body ached for Harry; he could not wait any longer to feel him, between his thighs, pushing into him. But Harry would not be hurried.

Then Harry moved fluidly, the barest of smiles tracing along his lips as he flexed his body, sinew and muscle flowing smoothly beneath the skin. He came to rest fully between Sirius's parted thighs, his eyes searched Sirius's for some sign of rejection, but Sirius merely sank his fingertips into Harry's hips and tried to pull him into his body.

Harry eased forwards with supreme gentleness, allowing Sirius more than ample time to adjust, despite the preparation he had lavished on him.

But Sirius would have none of it, and his hips squirmed up to meet Harry's tentative thrusts. Harry remained still for a moment, valiantly recovering his self-control, but then Sirius was urging him on with eager hands.

Harry whimpered breathlessly. He was finding that making love to Sirius was like nothing he had ever experienced before, and the dizzy spiralling in his head was almost lifting him from reality. He went with it helplessly, squeezing his eyes shut at the intensity of sensation.

Sirius moaned beneath him, hands balled into tight fists. His breath was heaving in his lungs, and he knew he was whimpering and moaning pathetically.

It was far better than anything either had experienced before.

They both came down slowly, panting raggedly as Harry sagged over Sirius.

"Oh Merlin..." he muttered, burying his head in the crook of Sirius's neck as the aftershocks still fluttered around their sweat drenched bodies.

Sirius nodded mutely, as he lay satiated, hands tracing slowly over Harry's sweat-slicked back.

xxx

Harry's fingers worked softly to memorize the features of the man lying beside him, knowing there would be no later times. This was now, the only now they would ever have. The feel of his skin, the faintest rasp of stubble on his jaw, the sound of him breathing - all of it to be soaked up and stored away in memory

Sirius was smiling as he slept, beautiful and sinful, like an angel fallen from grace.

A sight never to be forgotten.

Harry's eyes devoured him until sleep overcame him too.

xxx

The hours of full darkness were soon passed, and the faint sunshine of the coming day poured in the window, the light wrapping its tendrils around Harry and Sirius as they slept on.

Finally, as the sun soared higher in the heavens Sirius stirred and looked at the man sleeping beside him, a strange painful smile on his face.

"Just one night." He reminded himself softly, tracing a finger down the side of Harry's face.

Harry woke with a start, he had grown used to waking at the slightest sound or movement during the war, so a gentle touch and a wistful murmur from a man he loved was more than enough to wake him.

"Morning." Sirius mumbled sheepishly.

Harry smiled in sad recognition of the morning after syndrome. "Morning Sirius."

Then before they could say more they moved as one, lips clinging, hands clasping, and Harry found himself blanketed by Sirius this time.

"Can I?" Sirius asked, his fingers already trailing down Harry's body.

Harry spread his legs to accommodate Sirius in the cradle of his hips and gave himself up to sensation one last time. "Yes. Please."

xxx

"Am I ever going to see you again?" Sirius couldn't help asking a little desperately as Harry dressed and gathered his few belongings together.

Harry opened his mouth to say no, and changed his mind, opting for total honesty. "Yes, someday, though you probably won't recognise me." To himself he murmured, "It might be better if you don't."

But Sirius's sharp ears caught the comment and he frowned to himself in mild puzzlement as he moved closer and pulled his lover into his arms. "Well, I'm sorry it was just for one night, but I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world. It was great to meet you Harry and I'm sorry I won't get to know you better."

Harry smiled and kissed Sirius lingeringly, trying to pour all his years of pent up feelings of love into that one kiss, "I'm so very glad I met you Sirius, and I'm so sorry that there couldn't be more than this." He said with more feeling than Sirius could guess at.

His heart was breaking all over again, but at the same time he was grateful for this chance, grateful that they had finally got their moment of peace. They had enjoyed a stolen night and he'd finally got to know Sirius the way he'd needed to. It was finally time to let go, time to say goodbye.

It was almost like an exorcism such was the relief. This chance to truly hold and then let go of the man he had loved so deeply and with such futility.

He left Sirius with one last needy kiss and strode off down Diagon Alley, resolutely not looking back.

He saw now that he had been languishing in the ashes of his own despair, giving himself to a man he didn't truly love, allowing some of the best years of his life to slide past him, unlived. What kind of tribute was that to a man who had loved life so much? A man who had been willing to give his own life for Harry's?

He reached the building in Knockturn Alley with a few minutes to spare and he un-warded the door to find a disgruntled Bellatrix sitting exactly where he had left her, tied to a chair. He hastily stunned her for good measure as she began hurling abuse at him, and walked into the room to stand beside her to wait for the spell to kick in.

"I know you're out there somewhere." Harry whispered as the world rippled around him and the past faded away and the future drew closer, "I want you to know that I love you, that I will _always_ love you, but I think now that I can let you go at last."


	4. Chapter 4

Harry and Bellatrix crashed back into the future, leaving Sirius many years behind. Bellatrix remained stunned and unthreatening, but with a groan Harry levered himself to his feet, and wand in hand, went to investigate the other dazed death eaters he had left in his wake minutes or hours or years earlier. Almost no time had passed for them; they still lay perfectly limp as he secured them all in mercilessly tight bonds.

Harry paced quickly towards the door, intending to inform his colleagues that the danger had passed and the perpetrators were captured, but something slowed his legs, and half unwilling he turned back. There had been a book.

On a delicate silver stand a thin book rested, curling brown leather and stained yellowing parchment looked unimpressive, but the faded image of an hourglass embossed on the top of one page made Harry sure that this was the book that contained the spell Bellatrix had used.

Almost without knowing he did it, he reached for the book, a jolt of power making his fingertips tingle as he cradled the ancient book in trembling hands. For a brief moment he let seductive images race through his mind, images of how he could make the world better, a world in which his parents and Sirius would be alive and breathing.

He resolutely slammed the book back onto its stand and let out a shuddering breath. Such power was dangerous, and he had always secretly sworn he wouldn't let himself become a man like Tom. He would not succumb to his worst fear. He was stronger than that.

xxx

Harry was brooding in his office when Ron found him, "Nice work mate!" he bellowed enthusiastically as he barreled though the door. "It's about time that little ferret got his."

"Huh?"

"Malfoy you dopey sod! You caught him and it's off to Azkaban for him." Ron threw himself into a chair with a pleased chuckle before finally registering Harry's marked lack of enthusiasm for something that was a very big deal to Ron.

"Well Done Harry!" Hermione added as she bustled into the office too and took the seat beside Ron. "Malfoy is _finally_ where he belongs."

"You know mate," Ron said irritably, "if I was you, I'd be feeling pretty bloody smug right now, but you're just sitting here like a flipping flobberworm!"

"Language Ron." Hermione rebuked automatically, before looking more closely at Harry, "He is right though Harry, you don't seem as happy as we might expect, is something wrong?"

"I am perfectly happy thank you very much." Harry retorted aggressively, "I am very happy that Malfoy has finally got himself into trouble that he can't talk or buy himself out of. What! Just because I'm not turning somersaults and waving a little flag does it mean I'm not happy?"

Ron and Hermione exchanged looks and both sat up attentively.

"Okay mate, out with it."

"Yes, whatever happened?"

Harry opened his mouth to issue a vehement denial of there being anything to say to either of them, but to his horror only a slightly strangled squeak came out, and he found himself struggling to contain a rasping sob that tried to tear from his throat.

Ron simply sat looking startled, but Hermione was on her feet and wrapping her arms around Harry as he struggled for composure.

How had he ever thought that one night would be enough?

"Oh Merlin I'm so stupid." He managed to groan as his eyes watered and his chest heaved. Hermione rubbed his shoulders soothingly and he firmly swallowed down on the sobs that still tried to come.

"Oh Harry, whatever happened?" Hermione asked anxiously.

"I did something really stupid. Again." Harry said dully as he sternly got himself under control.

"Mate, that covers a lot of ground with you," Ron declared mock cheerfully. "Work or personal? Problems with Snapie again?"

"Ron! Don't be so irreverent!"

Harry's eyes widened. "Oh Shit Sev!"

"Personal." Ron deduced gleefully. "Ooh what happened? No wait! Do I want to know this?"

"Ron! You need to get used to Harry and Severus being together. They are a couple now and that is that." Hermione said firmly.

"I am used to it." Ron griped disgustedly. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Oh honestly!"

Harry could sense another familiar spat brewing between his two best friends and just let his head bang down onto his desk. "Actually," he mumbled, "I may have buggered things up with Sev. Oh hell, I need to really split up with him for the absolute last time don't I? I just bloody cheated on him with someone he hated!"

Silence fell abruptly and Harry could almost feel his friends staring at him.

"How did you manage that when you were busy capturing Malfoy and his cronies?" Ron asked eventually. "Wasn't the Ferret was it?" He asked sickly.

Hermione narrowed her eyes and smartly smacked Ron on the head for the mere stupidity of the suggestion. Then eyed Harry thoughtfully when he didn't explode in response to the crassness of Ron's remark.

Harry felt his eyes wander involuntarily to his desk drawer where he had felt compelled to stash the book and managed a casual shrug. "No Ron, not Malfoy. It was just, oh you know, Malfoy didn't exactly put up much of a fight; it took me all of about a minute to capture the lot of them, and then..." He trailed off, unsure what more he could say.

Neither Ron nor Hermione looked remotely convinced by his suddenly laid-back attitude or somewhat lackluster explanation. They both knew him far too well to be fooled.

Harry was well aware of this and huffed out a great sigh of frustration before opting for honesty. "Okay, but can I explain later? I really need to sort my own head out before I discuss this, and Severus might prefer to talk to me first before I explain things to anyone else. He deserves that much."

"Fair enough mate." Ron said getting to his feet still rubbing his now bruised head, "We'll behere when you want to bend our ears."

Hermione looked as if she wanted to linger, but Ron forcibly propelled her from the room, leaving Harry alone to brood again.

xxx

Harry clattered bowls and thumped ingredients down on his kitchen worktop, he had gone home ostensibly for some peace to write his report on the capture of some notorious Death Eaters, but he was distracted and unable to think of how to word the impossible report he would eventually have to make. He was trying to take his mind off his problems by concentrating on boring, mundane muggle cookery, but he was only succeeding in making a bloody awful mess.

Had it really been just four days since he had cooked a civilized dinner for himself and Severus in this very kitchen? Only now he had changed everything and done the impossible and cheated on his long-time on-off lover with a man who had been dead for many years. A man he had always loved and always thought completely beyond his reach.

He tried concentrating on weighing out exactly the right amount of butter, but his mind returned to the unexpected disaster he had created in his life.

He'd let himself get too caught up in the moment, and had reveled in the fact that Sirius really **had **liked him for himself, that it wasn't simply because he was James's son. He had so obviously been attracted to Harry himself in the past when he had no idea who he was. Even leaving aside the admittedly incredible sex, the way they had almost immediately been at ease with each other, laughing and teasing in the bar, it had given Harry a gift he hadn't known he had needed.

But it wasn't enough.

It couldn't ever be enough.

He'd somehow started something, something that was bigger than him. Something that was impossible to continue: A love affair across the ages. Because it could so easily have been love, he was sure of it.

He'd give almost anything to have a chance at that love, but he reminded himself again that it was an impossible dream.

But not really impossible, suggested a devious little voice in a dark corner of his mind.

Harry crashed the bowl down on the counter too hard and barely noticed it shatter. He crunched his way over the thick shards of glass and headed mindlessly for his study where he had hidden _the_ book.

He sat and stared at it, rubbing the soft old leather with curious fingers, turning it over and over in his hands. It was such an innocuous little thing. Yet, it could do so much, change so much. He hungered for the changes it could bring.

Harry slumped back in his chair, exhaustion sweeping over him as he smoothed the worn leather between his fingers. "I won't." He said aloud. "I won't do this." He forced his mind to another dangerous book. A book he had destroyed more than a decade ago. "Maybe I should plunge something sharp and poisonous into you too?" he mused. "At least then you won't be able to do any harm to anyone."

He slowly leaned forwards and selected a thin knife from the clutter on his desk. He could shred and stab until the book was gone and he couldn't be tempted again. He let the blade hover over the book for a moment before lowering it back. He just couldn't just let go of his last chance to see Sirius again. It was so wrong, but maybe, just maybe, he could get away with it. He could plan it properly, and go back just for one last time, and knowing that it was going to happen he'd have better control of things, and then surely it wouldn't hurt so much...

With a violent flick of his wrist he let the book spiral out of his hands and come to rest with its fragile pages squashed against the floor, its cracking spine humped upwards.

Harry sat back and plunged the room into darkness with a quick murmur of, "nox." He didn't want to look at the book. It was making him want impossible things. Before he would know where he was he'd be making dangerous choices and becoming the next Voldemort.

Hadn't Dumbledore always said it was about choices?

He needed to make the right ones; he'd always secretly been scared he'd be like Tom one day. Now he was tilting on the brink, preparing to meddle with things that should never be touched.

No, he'd have to be satisfied with what little he had already stolen.

Harry sat back again and breathed deeply, letting the exhaustion overtake him and those all too brief and bittersweet memories of loving Sirius emerge from the night around him.

xxx

Harry gasped and suddenly jerked upright in his chair.

He heard his own heartbeat thundering like the hooves of thestrals, and the faint echo of his own screams.

The dreams had returned.

When Sirius had died, for months he had dreamed of him.

Every night he had seen the grasping flutter of a tattered veil, and then Sirius falling through that ancient doorway.

Falling forever, again and again in his mind.

The scene was permanently etched on his memory.

It had been his fault.

That had been proven to him when everyone had rushed to reassure him that it hadn't been his fault. If they didn't secretly blame him surely they wouldn't have to hurry to assure him that they did not really hold him responsible?

It had taken a long time to accept what he had done, a long time for the dreams to taper off and become more infrequent miseries, but years on - here he was still dreaming of Sirius's last moments. Only now when he dreamed, he ached for a lost lover as well as a beloved friend.

His eyes unwillingly found themselves resting on the book again.

"Destroy it or use it?" he mused aloud as he got to his feet.

"It isn't like I'd do anything _bad_ with it." He justified to himself as he brushed shaking fingers over the soft leather cover before gently retrieving the book. "I just want one last experience of something I might have had anyway, if death eaters hadn't taken it all from me."

Harry leafed through the book until he found the page emblazoned with the hourglass, "This isn't wrong." He said aloud, as if that would make his actions somehow more acceptable.

Then he began to read.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry this update took a while to get out. Real life attacked like acrazedferret and carried me off screeching into the sunset.

xxx

Harry sat scanning the fragile pages. He couldn't quite believe what he was reading. It wasn't an especially complex spell; it didn't even need an especially large amount of power. The spell was quite simply ancient and obscure.

_Possibly the spell had deliberately been lost for a very good reason_.

Like so idiotic young men couldn't go rampaging through time to repeatedly seduce teenaged godfathers

Harry resolutely ignored this thought and other similar twinges of conscience, and began considering when the best time to use would be?

When would he find a younger Sirius alone, and in a situation that wouldn't lead to a complete disaster for the future?

He could go back in time to ten minutes after he had left Sirius lying in tangled sheets and pretend that his departure was going to be delayed until the evening. That would work, and they could spend the day together.

He might even have the chance to meet his father properly too. Though giving a youthful Sirius the chance to compare two Potter men more closely than a brief meeting under the mellow lighting of the Leaky Cauldron Bar permitted might not be the wisest thing to do.

He was pondering on this when he realized that an elegant black clad figure had exited his fireplace with an exceptional dignity he had never been able to muster, even after so many years of practice.

Severus.

Harry suddenly felt inexcusably awful about his recent actions, and worse about his selfish and covetous thoughts.

Then he looked at his lover's face and was seized by a terrible and somewhat insane suspicion.

"Did you know?" He blurted.

A sardonic brow arched skywards, and Severus glided to the chair behind the desk and coolly seated himself. "And what precisely are you referring to?"

Harry immediately felt silly and frantically cast about the recesses of his mind for some suitable retort.

"You meant your rather recent liaison with Black during the seventies?"

Harry gaped, and then had to make a conscious effort to not stare with bug-eyed fascination and shock at Severus.

"You are not precisely inconspicuous you realize?"

"Huh?"

"A tall and darkly handsome stranger with a dangerous air who spends a mere hour charming Black into bed one Christmas holiday was bound to be noticed. You were foolish to think you could get away with it."

Harry gaped at a man who he now realized he had never been able to remotely understand. "But why didn't you warn me, why did you just let it happen?" He stuttered.

"Because it was inevitable."

Harry studied Severus for a long moment. "There is no such thing as inevitable, you could have stopped it; you must have known something of what would happen."

"Meddling with the past is never advisable. Something you would do well to recall if you are making idiotic Gryffindorish plans to pursue the mutt again at some point before his untimely end by the veil."

Harry knew his flush and downcast eyes had given him away when a small snort of disgust was directed his way.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled at last, as images of Sirius falling shot painfully through his mind again.

"Sorry?" Severus sneered. "As if that helps with this."

Suddenly Harry was angry.

Furiously angry.

"Well I am _sorry_! I'm _sorry_ that I broke some sort of rule of magic. I'm _sorry_ I acted in a way that was disrespectful to us and irresponsible to the world in general, I'm even _sorry_ that I'm actually tempted to go and do it all again and to hell with everything!" Harry took a very deep breath, reached for some semblance of control, and lowered his voice. "But I will _not_ apologise for loving him."

A curling lip and a swirl of heavy black silk was the only response to his outburst, as Severus Snape simply walked into the fire and out of his life.

Harry slumped into his recently vacated chair and tried to process the information that had just been flung at him. "Well that went well," he mumbled sarcastically to the empty room.

Then he leapt to his feet and lunged for the book again. "The Veil!" He gasped aloud as he searched the passages of the book to see if it was possible to bring people from the past into the future.

His mind was racing. They had never found a body, because Sirius had fallen behind the veil where no man could or would follow. But what if Sirius hadn't died? What if he had been snatched into the future instead?

Harry's mouth dried as he panted eagerly and his hands shook. Was it within his power to make Sirius live again?

It was certainly worth a try he decided. To hell with the fact that many official types (including Hermione) would take a very dim view of his meddling. If it became necessary, he and Sirius could run away together and live on a nice tropical island as muggles. Sirius likely wouldn't much care about being abducted to a white sandy beach or being stashed under a palm tree - as long as he could avoid being shut up in Grimmauld Place again, Sirius would probably go along with any adventure Harry cared to propose.

So, he _would _go back to that fateful night at the ministry. Back to the night he'd broken his own heart with his stupidity and conceit, but this time he'd bring Sirius home.

The sooner the better, he decided as he read and re-read the spell until the words swam and somersaulted before his eyes. Severus was a vindictive sort; he might just accidentally on purpose tip somebody off about the powerful spell Harry was planning to use.

So less than an hour later Harry casually entered the Ministry building clutching a newspaper. He found his way to a quiet spot; threw his invisibility cloak around himself, dropped the newspaper to the floor and clasped the spell book in a surprisingly steady hand. He raised his wand purposefully and carefully began intoning the ancient words that would help make his world right again.

An uncomfortable lurch and flash of blinding light later Harry found himself lying on the floor in the small Ministry stock room he had chosen. He lay still for a moment, letting the world stop revolving so unsettlingly, then opened his eyes and looked around. Luckily there was nobody in sight. He didn't like to think what would have happened had he been unfortunate enough to land in front of some ministry idiot or other – invisible or not. He peered around at the sparse décor and could see no difference in his surroundings. But had the spell worked? The room he had chosen was small and rarely used. Several years with no changes could only be expected.

But the newspaper was gone.

Cautiously Harry exited the room and began edging his way through the maze of the Ministry. He was quite rapidly making his way to the department of mysteries when he heard voices. He flattened his invisible body against the wall as voices came closer, and caught his breath as several Aurors passed him.

Now he _knew_ the spell had worked.

One of those Aurors who had passed him was Adam Bootes. He was a young man of not-quite forty, who had trained both Harry and Ron when they first became Aurors.

But Harry had attended his funeral five years earlier.

Harry stared after the man as he walked unaware of what lay in his too near future. He thought of Adam's grieving wife and baby daughter. He thought of Ron's distress as he returned from a mission without his partner. He closed his eyes in remembered pain, but he remained resolutely where he was, he couldn't start fixing all these terrible things, or he'd never be able to stop.

He continued on his way, silently wishing he didn't have to see so much of his past in order to make it right.

xxx

The veil looked the same as it did in his nightmares.

He approached it slowly, considering how to proceed.

He had seen Sirius actually fall through the veil. So he couldn't now grab him from in front of the veil.

He considered throwing his invisibility cloak over himself and Sirius as Sirius toppled into the veil, but decided ruefully that he didn't trust his ability to hold Sirius' weight and stop them both from crashing through the veil, and knowing Sirius he'd wriggle like an eel and escape in a heartbeat and then he'd have a really big disaster on his hands.

He couldn't just stand here much longer though. Things would start to happen soon, and if he didn't find a way to save Sirius this time around the failure would drive him crazy.

He stared at the veil for long minutes, his hopes of holding Sirius in his arms withering away as he failed to see a way to rescue him without destroying so much else that he valued.

Then he started forward, staring intently at the ancient designs and symbols etched on the archway from which the veil hung. He'd seen the veil and its archway a thousand times in his most vivid and painful dreams. But the symbols had not been quite like they were now. In fact, now he could read some of them, or sort of read them anyway - runes had never really been his strong point in school. They were just simple runes telling of death and life and the endless cycle of souls through time, or something to that effect.

Harry cast back in his memory. Did his dreams play tricks on him?

Then the idea flashed into his mind, the runes seemed different because they really were different.

Because they had been made different?

A hint from himself?

With a wave of his wand the stone floor began to twitch, and soon sprang up to form a rather basic looking archway just a few inches in front of the real one.

A distinctly grubby and somewhat tattered handkerchief fished from his pocket was easily engorged and, with a little transfiguring made an admirable veil.

He affixed it to the archway with a shudder and stepped back to appraise his handiwork.

"Brilliant." He murmured as he charmed the two archways to appear as one.

The real veil and archway was snugly behind his false archway and veil, safely hidden from off-balanced godfathers.

In theory, Sirius would fall right through _a_ veil and into his arms.

Then, with the basic part of his plan completed he began copying some of the runes from the real archway, magically carving them onto his false copy, in a way that they were similar enough to the originals that most people wouldn't notice, but enough for his distraught 15-year-old self to subconsciously absorb the discrepancy.

Then he faced his veil, and with a slight superstitious cringe he pushed through it to wait in the tiny gap he had left himself. He had used magic to make the space large enough for himself and Sirius, but it was still an uncomfortable squeeze and with a moment of pure fear, he felt the real veil flutter against him, tattered folds clutching around his ankles and calves as it swayed in a nonexistent breeze.

He recoiled and pushed through again to stand on the dais with a horrified look on his face. Harry stood and stared disgustedly at his brilliant creation for a full minute, unwilling to go back into the tiny space.

But then he heard familiar voices and knew he had no choice left now. He could only hide himself and let it happen.

Harry crouched back behind his veil, listening to the occasional shouts. It was harder than he had thought it would be, to hear himself and his friends battling Death Eaters.

Then he heard Sirius come charging to the rescue, heard his battle with Dolohov, and in his mind he saw every movement the pair made.

He heard Sirius shout at him to take the prophecy, grab Neville and run.

Soon.

He braced himself ready to catch Sirius when he fell.

He dimly heard other shouts and spells being cast, but his focus was absolute; he was only listening for Sirius.

Things quieted a little and Harry knew Dumbledore had arrived, and then Harry heard Sirius laughing.

Now.

Harry held out his arms.

A second later he heard Sirius taunt Bellatrix for the last time, and moments later Sirius slumped through the false veil and landed heavily in his arms. The real veil rippled forward and lapped at him as Harry struggled to support his weight, but Harry sank to the floor clutching Sirius tightly, carefully holding his unconscious body away from both the veils.

He listened to his younger-self shouting for Sirius, and Sirius twitched in his arms, seemingly in response to his voice.

Harry listened to the pain in those shouts, and held Sirius tighter, murmuring soothing nonsense to him.

He could remember the pain of losing Sirius only too clearly, and even now he could wrap his arms around him and know he was safe, he could still feel the enduring hurt of the years he had lived with the loss.

The shouts died away, and he knew that his younger-self was now pursuing Bellatrix, with revenge in mind.

But anything happening the other side of the veil was no longer of any interest to Harry. He knew how it all went, and the only thing that mattered now was that Sirius could come home with him.

Maybe this older Sirius wouldn't want to be his godson's lover, but that didn't matter. Just knowing that Sirius was in the world and living the life he had always been denied would be enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry sat for long moments, letting every cell in his body feel the warm weight of Sirius slumped in his arms. Then he stirred, if he remembered rightly the area around the veil would now be deserted, and he could leave and put things to rights.

A quick peek from around his own false veil told him his assumption was correct, and he gently lifted Sirius through the veil to lie safely distanced from the thing that had almost killed him.

Harry slipped trembling fingers to touch Sirius' pulse. It was a little unsteady, but not too bad, and after a fight it was only to be expected really. He ran careful hands over his chest and shoulders seeking any obvious injury to his torso. Nothing. Satisfied for the moment that all Sirius was really suffering from was lack of consciousness, he draped his still form with his invisibility cloak and turned to dismantle his creation.

He was scooping his handkerchief back into his pocket when he simultaneously heard three voices. Two were coming from the doorway, but one was coming from under his cloak.

With a fervent but whispered apology Harry dropped to his knees, stunned Sirius and scooped him up into his arms, somehow managing to tuck them both under the cloak. As neither of them were small men it was no easy feat.

He had them covered not a moment too soon.

Two aurors were fast approaching.

They stood barely an arms length away from the two men huddled invisibly by their feet, and looked around for something.

"Nothing here we can use to get those bastards." Muttered one as he looked around at the only slightly damaged room.

"Wonder what they were here for?" The second added uncomfortably.

The first shrugged and headed for the exit. "Beats me."

Harry drew a shaky breath as the two exited as abruptly as they had entered.

He would have to be more careful than he had imagined. Not that he had really thought any further than getting Sirius safely into his arms again.

Harry stared thoughtfully down at Sirius wondering just how he was going to manage to get them both out unnoticed. Then he shrugged and recklessly decided that as he hadn't noticed the world come to an end, then they couldn't possibly have been noticed escaping… and if he was wrong, then he had got pretty good at memory spells anyway during the war and could easily fix any random people stumbling over him. No, being caught wasn't going to be a problem.

His theory made perfect sense to him until he turned a corner and found himself nose to nose with Albus Dumbledore.

Harry promptly began to panic, and simply stood stupidly clutching his wand instead of using it – so much for his vaunted seeker reflexes. He was frantically wondering if he could actually get away with obliviating the wretched old coot when Dumbledore twitched up the side of the invisibility cloak to reveal Sirius' face.

Before Harry panicked completely Dumbledore smiled slightly. "I might have known you would someday find an unorthodox way to bring him home."

Harry gaped. Suddenly there wasn't enough oxygen and he found himself gulping for enough air to form all the hundreds of words that wanted to tumble out.

He settled for, "I need him."

A silver brow rose fractionally. "I see."

"_Do_ you?" Harry asked desperately, his eyes searching the inscrutable old face.

"I am old Harry. I may not always be right, but I _can_ see the difference between two boys who care for each other, and two boys who can be everything to each other. Yes. I see a great deal." He smiled brightly and tweaked the cloak back over Sirius' face. "And on other occasions I see nothing at all. In fact, I rather think I saw nothing tonight, so I suggest you hurry on your way to wherever you belong, and I will very quietly look forward to the time in the future that you announce Sirius has been returned to us."

Harry stared. Had he just been given license to break a dozen different laws?

"I'm sure I will have thought up a reasonable explanation for Sirius' reappearance by the time you get back to whatever time you are from now, and will ask you for explanations then." Dumbledore continued calmly. "Off you go Harry."

Harry began to totter away, too dazed to ask questions of his devilish former headmaster. Then he turned back, "I- er, thanks ever so." He managed inadequately.

"Not at all dear boy. I am sure there will be celebrations at his return, and I do like celebrations. Especially wedding celebrations. The cakes are always wonderful."

"Huh?" Harry gaped.

But Dumbledore just twinkled enigmatically and gleefully waved him on his way.

Really, Dumbledore was very irritating, and _completely _batty Harry decided fondly as he shoved Sirius to the site of the spell. He sat with Sirius cradled in his arms, and as he waited impatiently for the spell to kick in he had to wipe more than one tear away from Sirius' face and hair.

As the world finally rippled and light began to swirl Harry clung tightly to Sirius, almost unwilling to trust solely in the power of the magic.

But in a dizzying burst of energy they were both flung to land with a bump in the same small nondescript room.

Harry lay panting for a moment, Sirius draped limply over him. He kept his eyes closed, too afraid to open them. Had he done it right? Were they both in the future?

Then he realized that it hardly mattered where or when they were. Being lost in the past wouldn't be a good thing, but he could deal with it.

Sirius was alive.

He could handle anything.

Harry eased himself up on his elbows; he could see his newspaper by his left foot. He could see the date on it. The headline was the same as the one he had read that morning.

He slumped back and wept silent tears of gratitude, his arms automatically snaking around Sirius. Sirius was alive, and he hadn't wrecked anything and they were finally where they were meant to be.

Harry would have been content to lie there all day with Sirius in his arms, but he knew that the sooner he got them both away the better it would be.

The escape from the ministry was easy, because nobody in his or her right mind would question a respected auror striding purposefully out of the building… and because nobody knew that Harry was bringing along an invisible Sirius who was still out cold and swathed in the folds of Harry's invisibility cloak.

Once free of the ministry Harry paused uncertainly. He couldn't just cart Sirius off home with him, because he had no idea what things Severus Snape might be telling people in power. He felt bad about his lack of trust in Severus, but had to admit that he wouldn't be overly surprised to discover that the man had reported him. The two of them had understandably never seen eye to eye over Harry's overwhelming love for Sirius Black.

But unfortunately, he couldn't just disappear to some far off place until the fuss died down, he had to stay nearby and get in touch with Remus, Hermione, Ron and Tonks and let them know what had happened. It would be unkind to just leave his closest friends wondering what he had done and where he had gone. Albus of course was a different matter, as the old devil already bloody well knew what he had done… and as Albus was the one who had sent him on such a closely related mission in the first place he couldn't help but realize that Albus must suspect what would be coming.

Harry grinned to himself, for once not remotely irked by the machinations of the meddlesome old devil. If he gave Dumbledore enough time then the manipulative old codger would most likely smooth the way for him. So all he needed to do was stay out of trouble for a day or two.

Really, even for Harry Potter that _should_ be manageable.

Almost without conscious decision he set out for Diagon Alley and the Leaky Cauldron. Tom could be trusted to keep quiet and he could easily hole up there for a day or two at least.

Harry soon found that it was very helpful to have personally saved Tom's livelihood, and indeed his life during the war. The grinning innkeeper showed Harry and his invisible burden into a chosen room with the minimum of fuss, promising to send up food as requested and not to admit to Harry's presence in the Inn to anyone except Dumbledore. Harry didn't mention Sirius as he checked in. He thought it best not to stretch Tom's generous hospitality too far by mentioning a companion who was not only an ex-con, but legally supposed to be a dead man.

Safe for the moment, Harry carefully lowered Sirius to the bed, lifted aside the invisibility cloak and stood back to look at him.

Azkaban and the years had certainly wrought changes on the man. Harry could compare like no other could, and he had to admit that Sirius was much changed from his sensually beautiful teenaged self.

Yet, there was still a certain familiar proud curve to his jaw and Harry found he desperately wanted to put his mouth to it. There was still that elegant set to Sirius' lean shoulders that Harry wanted to smooth his palms over as he had before. He knew that when Sirius woke up, he'd find his heart jumping and himself pinned by those quicksilver eyes, and those long artistic fingers just begged to be twined with his own.

Harry reached out hesitantly and took Sirius' unresisting hand in his own. Such a simple touch, but the feelings it provoked in Harry could not be expressed with mere words. Minutes stretched before Harry reluctantly released his godfather's hand.

He could not indulge himself like this.

He had no right to touch Sirius when he was unconscious, and Sirius had a right to be awake - and probably angry with him. Firstly, for losing him so many years of his life by leading him into a trap that led to his almost-death behind the veil. Secondly, for their sexual experiences in this very room all those years ago, because in all honesty, however willing Sirius had been, and however much they had both liked it, it simply hadn't been a good idea.

But he was rather good at having bad ideas Harry mused ruefully.

Now he thought about it, it probably hadn't been such a good idea to ask Tom if room 3 was available. But having asked Tom for enough favors already, he couldn't now go swapping it.

Harry shifted uncomfortably as he prepared to enervate Sirius. Being punched on the nose by his angry godfather seemed like one of the more promising scenarios he could envisage. He doubted very much that Sirius was daft enough to look at the room (which looked exactly the same as it had done thirty years ago) and at him (who also looked precisely the same as he had thirty years ago) together and not make the connection.

"Enervate."

Sirius twitched and groaned softly, his left hand moving slowly up to his forehead and through his hair, his right hand flattening out on the soft blanket beneath his body.

Harry was suddenly staggered by the plunging feeling of deep, raw emotion that hit him with unexpected force.

This was _his_ Sirius moving in front of him. The one he had originally loved.

Meeting and making love with the younger, handsomer, more carefree version had been amazing, and an experience he would always treasure, but the man he really loved was finally right in front of him.

A man battered by his terrible experiences, but shaped, not destroyed by them.

A man who was at last free to live as he chose.

He was the one Harry admired and loved.

It was a momentous couple of seconds of revelation, and it actually caused Harry to almost slip off the bed in surprise. He got to his feet and stared down at Sirius in disbelief as he suddenly fully appreciated the enormity of what he had done, which of course was the moment Sirius Black chose to open his eyes and squint up at the bed canopy in a total state of bewilderment.

"I'm not dead?" He gasped.

"I managed a last minute save." Harry responded shakily.

Sirius' eyes quickly tracked to the direction of his voice, and widened at what they saw. "You look just the same!" He burst out.

Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I think I have some confessions to make. I only ask that you don't actually kill me until you've heard me out."

Sirius was looking at him in puzzlement. "Does the veil not kill people then? Am I back in the past with you? I can think of worse places to be." He glanced down at himself with a grimace. "But not with me looking like this."

Harry sighed as he ran a hand over his stubbly jaw. "You're as sexy now as you were then." He paused as Sirius blinked at him in shock, before sneering slightly in disbelief.

He found himself almost unable to find the words to tell Sirius the truth. He deliberately rumpled up his already slightly untidy hair and fumbled for the unnecessary glasses he carried in his pocket and put them on. His glasses combined with his contacts made his vision swim uncomfortably, but he ignored the discomfort for a moment. "Do I really look so different now I am ten years older Sirius?" His voice cracked. "Don't you recognize me?"

Sirius looked blankly at him for a moment, before a faint flicker of something started in his unfathomable grey eyes.

"I don't look as much like my dad as I did back then, but I thought I still looked like myself." Harry pushed as he re-settled his glasses nervously.

Sirius inhaled sharply and sat up.

Harry nodded and thankfully pulled off his glasses. Sirius had figured it out.

But how would he react?


	7. Chapter 7

I'm daringly poking my head over back of the sofa...

Is everyone recovered from the cliffhanger?

Hmm, aparently, my readers think I'm a bit evil? Actually, I'm **very **evil thank you very much!

Okay, next chapter…

xxx

Sirius was now staring at him in something akin to horror. "You're Harry aren't you?" He faltered. "My godson Harry!"

Harry cringed.

"Hell, I fucked my godson! I can't believe this." Sirius bellowed.

Harry winced and hastily interrupted the rant that seemed to be forthcoming. "Um, Sirius, out of the two of us back then, I was the only one who knew I was your godson, and technically I was quite a bit older than you that night and should probably have behaved more responsibly."

Sirius' gaze had become distinctly shuttered and he was now gazing at Harry with unreadable misty gray eyes. "You know, sometimes when you were a teenager I sometimes thought I saw something that really reminded me of him…of you. But I knew it was impossible…it had to be… so I never thought that. If anything I figured that he, or rather you, were in some way distantly related to the Potters… Hell, I think I even once asked James if he had some better looking cousins kicking about somewhere…"

He trailed off still staring at Harry. "How the hell did you do it? Time turners don't go back that far. We both know that."

Harry opened his mouth to begin to explain, but Sirius cut him off anxiously. "Why aren't you fifteen anymore?"

Harry sighed. "I haven't been fifteen for a long time, the truth is Sirius - you've missed a lot."

"A decade?" Sirius questioned as he hesitantly extended a hand towards Harry.

Harry took the hand gratefully and clasped it tightly. "You pretty much missed a decade, yes."

Harry took a deep breath. "But the good news is that the war is mostly over now and Voldemort himself is finally properly dead. And Wormtail and Bellatrix have both been captured and Remus, Tonks, Ron, Dumbledore, Hermione, Ginny, Molly and Arthur all made it through in one piece." Harry smiled crookedly, "and you received a posthumous pardon. So, um, congratulations Sirius, you're a free man; albeit a legally dead one – which may cause some ructions when you first go for a public stroll."

Sirius absorbed this excessive influx of compacted knowledge in absolute silence, his eyes riveted to their joined hands.

Harry shifted uneasily, and then took a deep breath, fully prepared to properly acknowledge his wrongdoings. "I'm sorry Sirius. I should have known better than to seduce you. It was wrong of me. I've made everything so much more complicated for us."

Sirius blinked and then pinned him with an arctic gaze that made Harry squirm, but he pressed on.

"I was thinking about what **_I_** wanted." He managed to stutter out. "Not what you might think if you ever found out who I really was. I never really thought you would, which doesn't make things better, but…"

Sirius let out a sharp bark of laughter: "Best shag of my life by far. So I don't think you really need to be terribly sorry, and you _did_ say you might see me again, just that I probably wouldn't recognize you… so really, I _should_ have known."

Harry blinked and then burst out laughing too. Trust Sirius to be flippant about everything. He got himself under control again quickly enough though. "Well, I'm glad you're not too angry with me for that. But really you have every right to be. It isn't one of the smartest things I have ever done."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You saying I was that bad?"

Harry groaned loudly and tried unsuccessfully not to blush violently. "You were there. We were… incredible. I'm just saying it was a pretty daft thing to do and I would understand if you were furious with me. I'm sure you wouldn't have chosen to sleep with the stupid godson who got you killed if you'd known. "

Sirius raised the other eyebrow. "I'm here aren't I? So I don't think you got me killed."

"But that night at the ministry - I almost did. Everyone thought I had, which is why you have missed a decade – _everyone_ thought you were dead. If I hadn't come across a spell that allowed me to travel through time then you _would_ be dead because you fell into the veil, or almost did." Harry frowned and began mumbling to himself. "Now I think this is going to confuse a lot of people, including me. I've thought you dead for years, but actually, I'd already snatched you out of the timeline, only I hadn't yet... Merlin, how much more could I bugger things up?"

Sirius shook his head at Harry's ramblings and leaned closer. "But you figured out how to fix what went wrong. Besides, it wasn't entirely your fault that I was at the ministry that night. Lots of little actions and inactions by lots of different people just added together to make a mess. And don't forget that I was the pig-headed twit who charged off to rescue you and was then stupid enough to start mouthing off at a Death Eater bitch in the middle of a fight."

"But–" Harry's vehement protest was muffled by Sirius smartly clapping a hand over his mouth.

"We were doing _exactly_ the same thing. You were rushing off without thinking to try to save me. I was rushing off without thinking to rescue you."

Harry succeeded in removing Sirius' hand from his mouth, and stared at him. "I lost you a decade of your life, and you're telling me it's okay?"

Sirius sighed heavily. "Well, I have to admit that I would rather have not missed a decade, but I can honestly say that it isn't as bad as being put in Azkaban and losing a decade in there. In any case, you didn't do anything that I didn't do myself, so how can I _really_ blame you? Yes, you were stupid, but so was I. And as I don't fancy wasting my newfound freedom hating myself and all the people I care most about I'm going to say it was just bloody bad luck and-" he paused to smirk, "-simply draw a veil over things."

Harry groaned at Sirius' horrible attempt at humor. Despite the fact he was trying to be funny about a very painful subject, he actually looked as if he meant what he was saying.

"And you're not mad that I went back in time and slept with you either?"

Sirius shrugged, "Nope. But you knew that. Now you're just fishing for compliments."

Harry smiled faintly. "You know, I missed you so much, but even with all the times I dreamt about you coming back after you fell behind the veil, this conversation simply did not feature."

Sirius grinned mischievously, "And with all the times I fantasized about being back in Room number three at the Leaky Cauldron with the mysterious Harry, this conversation really didn't feature either."

Harry couldn't help but blush. "I'm never going to hear the end of that am I?"

Sirius shook his head. "Especially as the teenage Harry I remember was short, skinny, myopic and vaguely obsessed by a pretty Ravenclaw girl." He grinned. "It makes no sense that my sex god was so normal!"

Harry shook his head in disgust. "Oi, a little less of the short and skinny! But, yeah, I have no idea what I was thinking back then. That girl was by far the worst mistake I ever made, and believe me, I've made a few real clangers."

"I'm not the worst? I am surprised. Not just a godparent, but a _male_ godparent?"

"Well, I do find women attractive, but I like men too, and I just find another man simpler to relate to than a woman. One of the longest relationships I had was with…" Harry broke off, suddenly vividly recalling Sirius' feelings about Severus.

"With?" Sirius made a circling motion with his hand, indicating that Harry should continue.

"Um, I sort of had an ongoing affair with a man you don't like."

Sirius sighed heavily. "Snape?"

Harry nodded warily. "Good guess."

Sirius grimaced.

"Yeah, dating mistake number two." Harry agreed with his expression.

Sirius shook his head. "I was just wondering what the creep has got that the rest of us don't. For all that he's a greasy anti-social git with a stupid nose and skinny legs he somehow manages to get pretty attractive lovers… and he can kiss."

Harry suddenly recalled something. "Yeah, you kissed him yourself didn't you?"

"You saw that?"

Harry nodded.

Sirius grimaced again. "It was supposed to be another one of our stupid jokes at his expense, but I actually almost enjoyed it. Imagine my horror. I think it may have been what made me really hate him."

Harry was too busy laughing helplessly to respond.

"Hey you actually dated him! You do not get to laugh at me."

"Yes, I did. And believe it or not, I did actually care about him. He is kind of okay when you get to know him. I just don't think I should really have been involved with him for so long."

"I'll take your word for it." Grunted Sirius. "Don't expect me to be nice to him though."

"Um, actually, I only broke up with him earlier today because I felt bad about sleeping with you yesterday. But don't worry, I don't think he'll want to be around us anyway, so no nice behaviour will be required of you."

Sirius gaped at him. "That was yesterday to you?"

"Yes, well, today really. Actually, no, I don't know anymore. Maybe it was longer ago than that. Ugh, messing with time gets very confusing."

Sirius dropped his head into his hands as Harry babbled.

"Well this must be an pleasant contrast for you." He managed to say. "Seventeen-year-old stud one day, mangy old ex-con the next."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I guess you weren't listening when I said earlier that you're still attractive."

Sirius glared at him from between his fingers.

"Fuck. This is awkward." Harry finally exploded. "I really don't have a clue how to act Sirius. Should I try to go back to treating you like my godfather? Do you want me to pretend that it never happened? Do you want me to act as if you are still first and foremost my father's beloved friend? If so, I probably shouldn't tell you that you're still attractive and I really shouldn't mention that I still faintly have the taste of you in my mouth."

Sirius watched as Harry flung off his cloak and got to his feet.

Harry stared at him, "I know this must be impossible for you to take in too Sirius. But I was so happy that you would be alive again that I didn't really think much about any consequences, and now its all hitting me at once, and I'm just as thrown by it all." Harry loosened his collar and took a nervous pace towards the window. "I know. Normal behaviour for me right?" Harry sighed. "Act first, think later – if at all."

"Harry!" Sirius interrupted the diatribe and Harry froze in the act of pacing away again.

"I think we have some time to discuss everything and sort out how we're going to behave before we actually have to face anyone else." His brow quirked, "Or have you invited everyone here for a wild reunion party?"

"I think Albus may be sorting things out for us with the rest of the world, so I actually thought we could hide away just for a day or two, and maybe get things explained, if that is okay with you."

Sirius nodded in agreement. "Then we have time."

Harry nodded.

"So."

"So."

They both trailed off and silently stared at each other.

"Maybe it would have been easier to talk if you didn't have to sit on the bed we shagged on." Harry blurted eventually. Then he blinked and examined what he'd just said and flushed uncomfortably. "Oh, could I make things worse?"

Sirius shook his head and chuckled slightly. "I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that you are my godson and yet I've somehow slept with you before you were even born."

Harry hung his head. "I did say it was a bad idea of mine."

"It doesn't help that I missed you growing up for the last ten years, because now when I look at you I really do just see a man I really fancied, not my little godson." Sirius mused.

"That's my fault too." Harry sighed.

Sirius glared at him. "I'm not blaming you. I'm just explaining that I would find it difficult to simply treat you as my godson at first. Truthfully, I'm not even sure I'll ever be able to look at you again without thinking about the way you kiss. But I'll work on that."

Harry smiled as he felt some of his good humour return. "So you aren't horrified that you slept with me?"

"Of course not. It may be a bit weird, but I don't see anything all that wrong with it. I did it before I knew who you were, and it isn't like it was incest and we don't have a really creepy age-gap or anything to be horribly unsettled by."

"Even less of an age-gap now." Harry pointed out immediately. "You're still 36, but I'm 25 now. Which makes me a bit old to really _need_ a godfather don't you think? I can always use another friend though… or maybe even a lover."

Sirius gave him a sharp look. "Are you hinting?" He asked incredulously.

Harry found himself blushing. "Well, I thought I should make it clear that the option is there. But if you want to keep things platonic as of now then I can do that. I'll just be grateful not to completely lose you."

Sirius actually looked more than vaguely tempted Harry realised a moment later.

"I mean, if you make love to me again, it isn't anything you haven't already done." Harry wheedled. "I'm sure everyone will only want me to be happy. They wouldn't care _who_ makes me happy once they got over the surprise. The age gap really is nothing to even consider anymore, and although it has been years since they saw you, they do all still like you..."

Sirius stood up and gave Harry a despairing look. "Oh, just look at me." He demanded. "Can you honestly say you want this old mess? I'm just **_not_** the man you remember."

Harry sensed the implied surrender and took a step closer…


	8. Chapter 8

Damned friends, the weather is so nice they just keep on having parties, and once you mention beer and ribs to me I'm hooked... pathetic isn't it? So yeah, a rather belated chapter from moi because I was busy with RL. Hopefully the next one won't take as long to get out.

xx

xx

"You're still the same man; the same devoted godfather I remember from a decade ago aren't you?" Harry asked as he moved closer still, _just_ close enough to reach out and touch Sirius if he needed to. "Of course you are."

"Well, yes, but that doesn't really come into this." Sirius stuttered. "That doesn't relate to any possibility of me being your… lover. It doesn't explain why you'd want me."

"I think it does. You were the first person who was willing to do _anything_ for me, and I was willing to worship you just for that."

"But Ron and Hermione would always follow you anywhere – and they did."

"Yes, they did." Harry acknowledged. "But they were both just kids then, with no real idea of the true weight of the things we got involved with. To them death and suffering were still abstract concepts; expulsion or howlers were far more terrifying. But you had an adult perspective on what it could cost a person emotionally and physically to care about Harry Potter, you _saw_ the risks – but you judged me worthwhile."

"Of course I did." Sirius responded hotly. "I'd made promises to James, so I had to at least try to care for you, and then…" Sirius paused awkwardly and lowered his voice. "Then I just loved you, so of course I'd do anything for you."

"And I'd do anything for you too." Harry said softly. "Hell, I went back and meddled with time, created a false veil for you to fall through so I could carry you into the future to be here with me."

Sirius was unable to decide where to look; such was the intensity of the look Harry was giving him.

"So, a good start then." Harry said cheerfully, the powerful emotion in his eyes softening a little.

"But that doesn't explain…" Sirius began.

"No. But it is a starting point." Harry declared firmly. "There is so much that I want to tell you, hell, need to tell you that I just don't know where to start. I'm so confused right now that I'm a whisker away from dragging you down into this bed and deliberately forgetting all about it because it would be easier not to address the proverbial troll on the coffee table."

Sirius wisely decided to be quiet about any witty self-deprecating troll related comments that sprang to mind.

"But I think there are things I should tell you first if we stand a chance at any real true kind of relationship." Harry continued.

Sirius sat down slowly on the bed and nodded encouragingly. This, he could do. Listening to Harry was something that years wouldn't change.

Harry sat down beside him. Not touching him, but close enough that he could feel the warmth of his nearness. Then they both stretched out their hands and locked fingers with a friendly familiarity.

Harry stared at their joined hands for a long moment. His were much rougher and darker than Sirius' own lean, pale hands.

"Quidditch hands." Sirius mumbled rubbing a thumb clumsily over Harry's knuckles.

"You didn't complain when I was running them all over you." Harry teased.

Sirius looked up uneasily, and Harry sighed and took his hand back. "I'm sorry. I'm not doing a very good job of controlling myself am I?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't mind you touching me, and I think I might even get used to the innuendo given enough time. I just don't understand… but I think there will most likely be a lot of that going around, by which time I will have recovered from my surprise and will be able to be suave about it all."

"You? Suave?" Harry mocked gently.

"Indeed. Now come along and tell me things I need to know before I decide it would have been easier and more enjoyable to simply maul you before you decide I'm actually just a scraggy old reject now."

Harry raised an eyebrow, pursed his mouth and contrived to look lecherous.

Sirius returned the look and they both cracked up laughing.

"Okay." Harry said soberly, once they had themselves under control again.

Sirius waited.

"Firstly. I love you. No qualifiers. Not because you were my godfather or my lover, but because I just do. Unconditionally."

Sirius blinked.

"I don't think I ever said it to you before everything happened, and yes, it is just three puny little words, and it doesn't describe how I feel with any justice and it isn't really enough to just tell you… but I wanted you to know that I do love you. I never want there to ever be any doubt about that."

"That was something you regretted." Sirius said slowly. "You were sorry that you didn't get a chance to let me know you felt, and that we didn't get time to say goodbye."

"Nobody could ever accuse you of being slow." Harry mumbled as he sank his face into Sirius' shoulder.

"I was just gone, suddenly not there anymore." Sirius continued out loud as he wrapped an arm around Harry and tried to come to some understanding of what it had really meant for Harry that he had essentially been dead and gone for ten years.

"Yeah, because I got grabby and hauled you into the future." Harry muttered; his face still buried against Sirius.

"Yes, because I didn't pay enough attention to what I was standing in front of and went bouncing arse over ears through a mystical killer curtain… what a stupid way to go… and didn't we already decide that life can be stupid and we're going to forget about dealing out blame?"

There was a muffled sound of agreement from his shoulder, so Sirius continued.

"I can't pretend to understand what it was like to lose me, though I do know what it is like to lose friends. I can't say I have a clue about the confusion you're feeling about me suddenly being alive again though. But if you want to bend my ear with the details you can, and I'll listen." Sirius was suddenly acutely aware of the loss of the heavy warmth that had settled against him as Harry moved away so he could meet his eyes.

"I think the memory of the pain is fading just with you being here, and actually I think because I was the one to eventually manage to rescue you – only ten years late – it isn't all as confusing to me. I mean; my feelings are a bit odd because of you being both my godfather and my lover, but I think given a little bit of time I'll adapt just fine. I think it will be everyone else who struggles to believe that you aren't gone, because they didn't end up scrabbling about behind fake veils and sneaking about trying to get out of the ministry with you stuffed under their cloak."

"You stuffed me up your cloak? Did I fit?" Sirius asked lightly.

"Invisibility cloak you great prat, with _just me_ under my normal robes." Harry grumbled.

"Pity." Sirius teased.

Harry rolled his eyes in mock exasperation and gave Sirius a light slap on the arm.

"I know. Dunno why you put up with me."

"Because I love you, and because I've missed your idiocy a ridiculous amount." Harry said semi-seriously.

I'm here now." Sirius reminded him. "I know it doesn't make up for all the years I missed, but I'll try very hard not to do it again, so you should be stuck with me for a good long time yet."

"A good long time works perfectly well for me, I'll hold you to that." Harry said, pressing a swift kiss to Sirius' jaw. "But you'd better believe that if you die again I'm going to be _really_ mad with you." He added deadpan.

"I'll keep that in mind." Sirius agreed gravely.

"Okay." Harry continued with a now familiar glitter of lascivious mischief in his eyes. "We discussed my issues. Now lets get to yours."

"Me?" Sirius asked in bemusement. "I don't really have anything to discuss."

"Yes you do. I'm sure I started off explaining that I'd welcome you as my lover, but somehow ended up telling you why I love you instead."

"Oh yes, but like I think I said, that doesn't really explain…" Sirius began.

Harry gave him a stern glare. "I may choose to demonstrate instead of giving explanations if you don't pipe down."

"But, it doesn't-" Sirius began again, only to have his voice effectively muffled when he was kissed with an intimacy that stole his breath.

"I'm getting there." Harry gasped as he tore his mouth away. "So stop interrupting, or you won't be able to hold me accountable for what I may do."

Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times.

"I'd say we're still pretty good at that." Harry noted breathlessly.

Sirius nodded dumbly.

"But to continue with my argument, am I to understand that you don't want to resume being my lover, despite that fact that you love me and acknowledge that our kisses are intense simply because you think you're not as pretty as you used to be?"

Sirius hesitated, now Harry had put it like that, his reasoning did seem a bit silly. But he wasn't a man who backed down, or changed his mind easily. "I'm almost twenty years older than I was then, and Azkaban doesn't do much for a bloke." He protested.

Harry frowned. "I'd almost forgotten that it was such a long time ago for you. I'd understand if you didn't want me anymore, or if it was just a teenage fling."

Despite himself Sirius promptly rushed to disabuse Harry of any thoughts he had about Sirius not being interested in a love affair. "No. Azkaban messed things up a lot, and a fair amount of my memories never came back properly, but I do remember us together and even if it is a little bit jumbled and faded it is one of those memories that you can't really forget because it stood out, and you keep revisiting it."

Harry raised an eyebrow but let the comment slide. "You do realise that nobody stays young and pretty forever?" Harry queried. "Give me another forty years and **I** won't be turning any heads. But I hope that by then I'll be well settled down with the love of my life and it won't matter."

Sirius tried not to let his confusion show.

Harry sighed. "I take back what I said earlier. You are slow. Or maybe just stubborn."

Sirius glared.

"Yes Sirius. Technically you were prettier when you were seventeen. Are you happy now?"

Sirius felt his heart sink. He was anything but happy with that admission, though Harry was only telling the truth.

"But guess what Sirius. Although I enjoyed making love to you at seventeen, the man here in front of me now is the Sirius Black I love, and I'm hoping that I'll get to make love with him too. No, you don't have that seventeen-year-old prettiness anymore, but you're still you. You still attract me, I'll probably always be thinking of you as sexy, simply because to me - you are."

Sirius was still frowning.

"Okay Sirius." Harry said as he slid off the bed and knelt carefully between Sirius' slightly parted thighs.

"Which version of me do you fancy more? Which version do you love more?"

Sirius was puzzled and distracted as Harry smoothed his hands up over his calf muscles and darted along his thighs. "What kind of questions are those?"

"Come on, there must have been a better version. One you wanted more." Harry urged as his fingers crept higher and Sirius wriggled in an effort not to press himself into those questing hands.

"Well you're you – old or young." Sirius grunted without thinking.

Harry smiled with satisfaction and his hands swiftly moved up and began easing Sirius' cloak off his shoulders. "Exactly."

"I don't follow." Sirius said, forehead creasing in further puzzlement.

"Which version of me did you love _best_?" Harry asked as his fingers slowly teased a few buttons from their holes. "Thirteen years old and too merciful for my own good?" He leaned forwards and brushed his mouth against Sirius' so quickly he had no time to respond. "Going on sixteen and too hot-tempered for my own good?" Fingers ran through Sirius' hair and then caressed his jaw. "Or maybe you love me at twenty-five and trying very hard to seduce you? Which?"

Sirius floundered at the unfairness of the question, and then Harry's convoluted explanation clicked into place. "I just love you. I always have, but here and now is the most important thing for us."

"Now you're getting it." Harry said with satisfaction.

"I thought we'd both be getting it." Sirius said with a sly grin as he wrapped both arms around Harry and pulled his body tightly against his own.

He felt rather than heard the excited hitch in Harry's breathing and smiled.

"Will you make love with me Sirius?" Harry asked directly.

Sirius floundered for an answer; his brain didn't seem to be doing a very good job of making his mouth say the words he needed to. Instead he settled for a soul-searing kiss that gave his answer just as eloquently as any words could have done.

"I suppose now that I get to love you, _and_ make love to you. So you get more of me now than ever before, which will hopefully go a long way towards filling the emptiness left in the years I was gone."

"You'll fill all my empty spaces?" Harry said sweetly.

Sirius squinted at him, finally starting to catch Harry out as he built up for more innuendo. "Of course. I'll do my best. I'm an old man now though so don't set your hopes too high!"

Harry chuckled delightedly. "I'll take my happiness where I find it thank you very much!"

"And you've decided on me?"

"Yes. However will you bear it?" Harry said mock-sympathetically as his hands bunched clothing awkwardly in an effort to find skin.

"I'll manage somehow." Sirius replied heroically.


End file.
